With an insincere apology to the Dead Milkmen (You’ll Dance To Anything)

With a complete and confused “WTF folks?” to mountain bikers. 

With a thank you to Cooper Quinn for the photos. 

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You’ll braid through anything
You’ll braid through anything
You’ll braid through anything
You’ll braid through anything

Oh, buddy, look at you
Racer lines you’re blowing through
Did STRAVA make you get this way?
What a terrible way to treat trails, eh?

You rip big trenches, apathetic
The sad truth is you’re just pathetic
Get into the groove or walk the move today
Volunteer trail builders don’t get paid

So, when it’s raining just stay home?
‘Cause if you won’t ride armour leave the dirt alone

You’ll braid through anything
You’ll braid through anything

Don’t try to tell me that you’re totally entitled
‘Cause you’re just another no-dig-and-just-ride-hole
You ripped through some hikers ’cause every ride’s a party?
Blow it out your hip pack, that’s Mayor Little’s buddy
Loam.Shame ‘gram was gettin’ deep under your skin?
Stopped posting. Now, who’s tracking all your sins?

Know what you are? You’re a bunch of
Douchebags, Douchebags, Douchebags, Douchebags
Choke on this you STRAVA-hole-race-line types

You’ll braid through anything on Cypress Mountain
You’ll braid through anything on Mount Seymour
You’ll braid through anything on Mount Fromme
You’ll braid through anything visiting Squamish

You’ll braid through anything in the Fraser Valley
You’ll braid through anything on Burnaby, Burke, or Eagle
You’ll braid through anything, even… fresh goods when you know the builder

Who is out there digging on their own time
Making a specific line that is – ride, walk, or crash – right
where it belongs, so if you can’t ride it or don’t like it, ride something else!
You’ll braid through anything!