How do I know these are the BEST gifts that you can give a mountain biker? They cost nothing, provide an excellent excuse to get outside, they’re fun to give and receive, super-fun to give, and they can be regifted infinite times. Argue with that!
There isn’t a gift here that I haven’t received at least a few times from my ‘friends’. I don’t always appreciate them in the moment but tough love is still love, right? Right‽
1) Suffering²
It’s happened, once or twice, that I’ve shown up for a ride a little under the weather due to my own choices. With my group of friends, it generally behooves me to hide it as best as possible – I’m certainly too smart to complain – because the pace is always faster and the ride longer if they know what’s up.
And, I’ll always happily pay it forward when someone shows up smelling like a peat bog. It’s not all fun and games, maybe you’re satisfied with the day’s effort and ready to grab a brew yourself, but just remember how invigorating it is to watch someone you care about un-wrap a thoughtful gift, like one more epic fire road climb. Followed by another additional epic fire road climb.
This is a personal favourite, because if you do it right you’ll enjoy this gift at least as much as your friend does!
2) The True First Time Trail Experience
If you’ve ridden with half my friends on a technical trail you don’t know then you’ll unwrap what I’m talking about faster than the first beer in your Advent Calendar. After encouraging you to go first since “you haven’t ridden this trail” they’ll chase your tire down a couple of questionable moves in a row then yell “it’s a roll” as they hit the blind feature you avoided 0.1 seconds earlier in favour of the b-line. Thanks for the heads up asshole.
Oh sure, you could provide some trail beta, shout “it rolls” as your friend is eyeing up that blind move, or maybe even go first – but deep down you know those are all really Grinch moves depriving them of the gift of the true first-time trail experience. If you really want to maximize this gift make sure it’s on a trail with lots of weird timing and janky moves which you know well. Then every time you clean something your friend has messed up be sure to pull over and let them get back in front. They’ll really, really, appreciate it (at some point).
3) An Outdoor Toughness Upgrade
Look, you can’t make Mr-or-Mrs ‘it’s too cold and rainy’ get off their keister and come for a pedal but that doesn’t mean you can’t gift them a ‘but you did great last time’ trap. There are lots of great recipes out there but the basic’s something like: mix one part “why don’t you come keep me company, I couldn’t find anyone else to ride with” with a healthy dose of “we’ll just head out for a short ride” and then regularly stir in an “it’s just around the next bend” until they start to really steam.
You know they’re guaranteed to have a good time once they’re out in the woods and then next time they start demuring you can bust out the leftover good feelings from the last downhill deluge. Just remember that leftovers only keep so long so it’s best to use them up as soon as it’s practical. Bonus points if you can transmogrify leftover ride stoke into a nasty day’s trail maintenance!
4) Heckling – The Short Game & The Long Game
Your friends don’t take themselves too seriously, and if they do whose fault is that? Yours! Accept the blame and do something about it. If they’re on Strava then remind them that no one fast is on Strava – and for f*** sake don’t doom the spot, if they are riding AXS then it’s your solemn duty to ask them what a new rear derailleur costs every time they’re dropping in, they wear goggles and a half-lid to ride Shore-XC? And, well, you get the idea.
You’ll know that you’re gifting to your full potential when their mother’s call them by their nicknames, their spouses or children sing the songs you’ve written about them, and the absolute gold star is when a random stranger starts telling you the back story for some bullsh*t you helped create years ago!
That’s a gift that keeps on giving. Sometimes it takes a few tries to develop a narrative that will stick but keep at it. No one will remember your failures. If in doubt, just take your kid, or someone’s kid, and a couple of cowbells into the woods and heckle random mountain bikers – every little bit counts.
5) A JacVenture
[singing] “Meet Jac-Ven-Ture | Siiiiiidekick Andi!” [/singing]
I’ll never forget the time, ankle-deep in snow, that Andi stared intensely at our gaggle of weary riders and silently convinced us that we were part of a legendary lark worth any amount of suffering. He deftly flipped the map he was looking at upside-down and handed it to the ride organizer, Jaclyn, who then furiously flayed him for leading us astray and then commanded our contingent straight up one of the steepest logging roads I’ve hiked.
My soaked feet suddenly warm, my weary legs full of energy, my corrupted bowel magically recovered from a few too many brews the night before, I marched happily on until the snow approached our knees and on a second viewing, Jac realized her error in taking us in exactly the wrong direction. Only Andi could keep it together as the rest of us collapsed in exhausted laughter – an unforgettable present.
A ‘JacVenture’ by any other name is the ultimate all-in-one gift because it combines all of the above. Climb up a frozen waterfall in carbon-soled clip-in shoes. Ride down a 5km forest road looking for a trail that never existed. Hike through three massive cut blocks looking for a trail that no longer exists (hi Susan!). Get politely asked to leave the bar and wake up a few hours later to go for a pedal.
And there you have it. Grab a pen and a piece of cardstock and write an I.O.U. to your favourite wet blanket riding buddy. I owe you one ride in the pissing rain whether you like it or not. I owe you one adventure where we hike our bikes up for two our in the snow to hike down two hours in the snow. I owe you one ride down Bookwus & Grannies when they’re greased lightning.
Tape that I.O.U. to a beer, coffee, or bottle of Avalon Eggnog and pay it forward. Or hell, just invite them along and let them know they owe you a thank you card after! If they raise a fuss just tell them you’re saving the planet by gifting experiences instead of things.
You’re welcome.