‘The sirens are snaking their
Way up the hill
It’s last call somewhere in
The world
The reptiles blend in with the
Color of the street
Life is sweet at the edge
Of a razor
And down in the first row of
An old picture show
The old man is asleep
As the credits start to roll
And I want to know
The same thing
We all want to know
How’s it going to end?‘
-Tom Waits, How’s It Gonna End
The workbench is wearing a freshly shined-up stainless steel countertop. I’m wearing my work uniform, a $75 Fox Racing Shox button-up shop shirt and a black RockShox toque. It empowers me with an energy lifted straight from O’Shea Jackson Jr.’s last scene in Den Of Thieves. Yeah, to the casual observer, we’re pretty polished. Debonair even. We say ‘Good morning, how can we help you?’ with nothing more than a shimmer and a smile.
We have a lot in common beneath the surface too, the bench and me. When it comes to delivering a first impression, we’re both held together by our facades as much as we hold them up. Our underlying structures are still solid but if you pile on there’s going to be some disgruntled creaking. Yep, we’ve had a lot of shit dumped on us over the years.
We never promise what we cannot ourselves deliver. We don’t know when ShiRAMano will have that super-common brake pad back in stock. We ordered a bunch for inventory. That chainring you need? First, the distributor told us “maybe two weeks” and then when we followed up for a more exact estimation they said “about ten business days.” We can’t say if your obviously crash-damaged carbon frame is going to be replaced under warranty. Not our call. Don’t push.
Barring flood, fire, or frame-of-mind, we’ll have those brakes bled by tomorrow for you. Or the battery and motor pulled from your EP8-BroPed so we can remove the On/Off switch and charge it for you. Or those spokes replaced, that CushCore installed, the axle you rounded out removed, etc. Do ask. And contrary to what you’ve heard, there won’t be a beer-or-baked-goods-bribe required. Though gifts and tips, as gifts and tips, are always appreciated.
It’s been wondered aloud, by more than a few folks in my general vicinity, how I could be both the most welcoming wrench and mean-spirited mechanic to ever work in a shop. It just depends on who you talk to? I’ve heard exactly the same said about many other folks who’ve been playing the game of bikes for a few years. It all comes down to the only real guarantee that’s in my power to offer, positive or negative, 100% of your attitude returned with every interaction.
Be kind, experience kindness.
