I’ve gone #TheFullVik multiple times. Full-on, anti-theft-device level, front & rear fender action from the likes of Mudhugger and SKS. And always, at some point, not all that far down the trail, for reasons we’ll never know {vanity}, I’ve decided to go back to living with soggy slacks.
Years ago, my first off-road full-fendering. My friend Rick Loader convinced me that I wouldn’t be able to see my rear Mudhugger while I was riding. And he was wrong! I could see it in the disgusted faces of every other rider on the trail. My friend Arthur was so visually offended, I thought he was going to challenge me to a duel. After a bit of reflection, I took it off and gave it away.
Then, my friend Stephen Seagull AKA Stevil Knievel convinced me I was being a weenie. It was a particularly wet winter ride on a rock-armoured trail, and at the bottom, my underwear felt like someone had soaked it in ice water. In that moment, I was an easy target for his drier-ginch evangelism and purchased a second ‘hugger. I rode it for a while, and then, I mean, they’re all so ugly.
Last year, I went too-like-Vik, too-like-Vik-to-quit, with an SKS Mudrocker. I love the angle-adjustable soft rubber feet. Plus, the construction is not as heavy-duty as other options, so when I’m looking at my mountain bicycle directly from the side and squinting my eyes just so I can almost pretend it’s not there. Almost.
I rode it for quite a few wet rides through January, February, and into March, but as soon as the weather warmed up and we were out of waterlogged season, I returned to fender-freeness and damp underdrawers.
Just this week, The Clairebarian, who loves her front SKS Mudrocker fender, suggested that she would like to try running #TheFullVik on her Samurai of single-speeding. Okay, but I mean, they’re ugly?
“Sometimes they look ugly, but they’re helpful.“
Touché. But, wait. If I install the Mudrocker on her bike and we’re out in a deluge, I’m never going to hear the end of it. “Ahhh, is poor Papa wet & cold?” or “Isn’t it nice having a dry bum? Oh, you wouldn’t know. SAaaaaaaaaD.” Who needs it? So, not only am I back running the Mudrocker, but I went out and bought a second one as well.
And thank you, trail gods, that I did…
{Above photo: Ben Hos}
…because at some point on last night’s very dry Wednesday Night Night Ride, I managed to shred my rear tire, a properly knobby Schwalbe Albert, through the most disgusting liquid-and-sticky dog sh*t I can remember ever having to deal with.
We’re talking napalm-level canine feculence that splashed up everywhere and bonded to every surface it touched. We’re talking about a fluidic migration of excrement centrifugally motivated to destroy. I have no doubt that I would have been covered {helmet, pack, and soul} in the most odiferous ordure if it hadn’t been for the Vikorous defense mounted by my Mudrocker.
And for the record, I’d much rather be scrubbing a fender and a tire than trying to wash that bold bouquet of bestrewn pooch potpourri out of my everything with the unfortunately learned knowledge that on the hottest summer days, some fabrics, like, *gag*, helmet pads, will always hold a little reminder of what happened. Ah, memories malodour.
I have a newfound powerful attachment to my rear fender. It turns out that their potential is light-years beyond the obvious benefits of dry bottoms and aesthetic-based theft deterrence. No, their true calling is to be found in the darkest of dark, in any weather, at any time of the year. Lights dancing. On the edge of comfort. Speeding along on single-track. Where colour-matched mocha mounds mask the moistest mushrooming mines.
Perfect plastic protection against fecal fulmination.
WHUMP. YUCK.
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