MEATengines

Expectations.

I’ve been sitting on this piece for a couple of weeks now because I can’t decide if Claire’s new bike is the problem, or if I simply have too high of expectations for the price point. Over time, my acidic initial frustration slid into basic biting derision and finally, a fatalistic acceptance that I’d be ordering a slew of replacement parts and tossing a box of brand-new slag. 

I’ll note here that I wasn’t expecting anything fancy. The bike in question is a 24″ commuter that I purchased for Claire specifically to ride places and lock places that we wouldn’t take her custom SQ24″. The drivetrain is an ultra-basic Shimano Altus setup and stopping duties are handled by a pair of v-brakes. 

The first shitty thing I noticed with Claire
The first shitty thing I noticed with Claire’s new commuter is actually the ridiculous amount of play in the v-brakes. The bike stutter-stops on flat ground.

I recognize that when it comes to buying bikes, you’re only going to get so much machine for an SRP of $650 + tax. Especially with the inflationary pressure on bikes in the last couple of years. But, at the same time, this bike is rocking a rigid fork, rim brakes, and a cheap-as-chips drivetrain so I was comfortable with the assumption that it wouldn’t be a total piece of shit. It’s a ‘bike shop level’ bike from a reputable brand so entry-level though it may be I’m measuring it against two decades of assembling similar quality rigs in shops. 

My first concern, immediately upon removing the bike from its box, was the amount of slop in the v-brake arms. I remember thinking, “they must just be loose” as I reached for a hex-key. I was wrong. The bike stutter-stops on flat ground. 

My very next step was ordering a set of the most-basic Shimano v-brake arms. They’re not expensive and I want the bike to be safe for my daughter when she’s riding down hills. But, I’d also like other peoples’ kids to be safe riding their new $650 bike down hills. I’ll note here, I have no qualms about running rim brakes for this application.  

Something is missing. Wouldn
Something is missing. Wouldn’t want to be able to adjust the brakes on a kids’ bike for small, say kid-sized, hands.

It’s maybe not the end of the world that the right brake lever is missing the lever reach screw. There’s probably something kicking around the shop and I remember thinking “at least the lever is metal” which is where my initial ‘new bike day’ excitement had dribbled to at this point. 

The levers did feel pretty garbagy, but I reminded myself that the SRP of the complete bike is less than the brakes I ride and decide they’ll work for now. I’m already planning to replace the basic 25.4 bar/stem with some old parts I have laying around and now the v-brake arms, and also some bolt-on wheel skewers (to replace the stock QR ones) and that seems like plenty of stuff for a second rig that’s meant to be a utilitarian compliment to her mountain bike. 

Then I come to the crankarms…

Chances that this is a one-off? Zero. Would Claire notice a couple millimeters difference between the right and left pedal heights? Probably not. Is it ridiculous this passed QC/QA? I think so. Expectations.
Chances that this is a one-off? Zero. Would Claire notice a couple millimeters difference between the right and left pedal heights? Probably not. Is it ridiculous this passed QC/QA? I think so. Expectations.

The square taper arms are pre-marked with a white line at the crank bolts so it will be obvious when they are coming loose. In my mind, this is not a good sign. First off, I’ve never seen it before from the factory on any bike at any price point. Also, there’s a fact that companies don’t add extra steps in manufacturing unless they’re addressing an issue that’s been coming up.

As I get past the paint markings a truer issue comes into focus. The pedal hole in the drive-side crankarm is not drilled square and doesn’t match the non-drive-side crank. Will (almost) a couple of millimeters make any difference to performance? I doubt it. Is it acceptable on a bike that retails for this amount of money? Now I’m torn. 

What is almost certain though is that if one crankset is out then thousands are out. Has it gone unnoticed by the manufacturer, all the shops building these bikes, and all the customers buying them? Or, are my expectations too high?

It took a fart-load of force to get the bottom bracket out. No surprise at this point that the only
It took a fart-load of force to get the bottom bracket out. No surprise at this point that the only ‘lubrication’ was aluminum filings.
No grease and plenty of crap on the non-drive cup as well. It will come as no surprise that the headset bearings were drier than a handful of salt.
No grease and plenty of crap on the non-drive cup as well. It will come as no surprise that the headset bearings were drier than a handful of salt.

After all that you’d think I’d be smarter than to try and tubeless the tires, but I figured between Gorilla Tape, plenty of experience tubelessing wire-bead tires on non-tubeless rims, and brute force of will I could make some magic happen. Big nope here too. I’ve installed tighter fitting tire beads on sub-$200 SuperCycles from Canadian Tire. 

And so, with a bucket of fresh parts, Claire’s new commuter is carrying a couple-or-few hundred dollars in ‘upgrades’ from the stock build and will be rideable, with tubes, next week. A huge THANK YOU here to my friend Scott for helping track down some crank arms. 

I purposely haven’t mentioned the brand of the bike because I’m having a time deciding if the problem rests with them or with me. While I come to terms with my own expectations, I’m doubling down on the question where are the cool kids’ commuters? It seems a certainty that Claire could have had a lot more bike for the same amount of money as I’ve put into this thing if a brand was on top of it.